Why “10 Things a Feminist does in a relationship” is utterly nonsensical

Hello Lovelies,

I came across this post on a website called “10 Things A Feminist does in a Relationship” from a site called Bustle.com last night, I’ve never seen anything from this website let alone it’s existence till now. I was intrigued to find out what they do in their relationships, wondering how they see  relationships in their minds. What I have seen so far from feminists, is how they like to assume they are all knowing.

Once you read this article it will come as no surprise that this woman is a Feminist because you see words she uses such as “Unlearn”. A made up term that feminists use for some reason like it means something. It’s funny because they don’t realise that you cannot ‘unlearn’ anything,  like how nobody can take back something they didn’t mean to say once they’ve said it. Though people can misunderstand and misinterpret words, something I’ve noticed with modern Feminists. Since reading all of it is pretty much humorous, to say the least. I can tell you that this is a Feminist trying to redefine what relationships should be and I feel like half her points are trying to redefine and the other half convincing that a feminist relationship is somewhat better than any other kind of relationship like as if any other kind of relationship pales in comparison. You have to laugh at some of these. Because you seem to get the sense that the writer of this article is insisting that what she says she be how she see’s it.

I pretty much disagree with her points because these are the kind of points which are petty and which are more of something they find as an inconvenience and they over dramatise as well as trying to make something into nothing like a lot of feminist’s tend to do.  At one point the writer of this article contradicts her own point. The purpose of my post was to address some of her points, and that nothing within her points actually holds any weight, and that her points are basically another outlet for her to complain. Well most outlets are a way for feminists to complain, if it’s not twitter then it’s blog posts.

  • “We offer to split the bill
    Couples’ financial situations vary, but when we’re first getting to know someone and don’t have a particular arrangement worked out, feminist women will offer to split the bill and feminist men will allow women to pay their half if they prefer. Don’t get me wrong — it’s nice when anyone offers to foot the bill but men shouldn’t have to since that expectation has roots in a problematic model of love and sex as economic exchanges. However we end up dividing the cost of dinner, we understand that nobody “owes” anything to anyone based on that decision.”-

I love how she is starting with “Couple’s financial situations vary” it’s as if she’s saying paying the bill has to be some form of financial agreement between people in a relationship, it’s a bill for a meal darling, not marriage papers. You’re not paying off part of your soul. Though what is very conflicting about this point is that many feminists have strongly stated that they want guys to be the one’s to pay the bills between them. So which is it? either you want the guy to pay or you both pay to save looking like you’re being the selfish one in the relationship.

  • “We Take Time For Ourselves
    Feminists understand that self-love is the best love. It’s empowering to depend on nobody else for enjoyment or approval. We learn to enjoy taking ourselves on walks or to dinner or just sitting at home reading or making art alone. When nobody is able to give us the satisfaction that we can’t give ourselves, nobody can manipulate us into making sacrifices we don’t want to make. If someone isn’t giving us what we want, we always have a backup plan: our own company.”-

Firstly she’s speaking about how important it is to love yourself. Darling, many people get the gist that it’s important to love yourself, however, I see how you forget to acknowledge that it’s difficult for many people out there in the world to love themselves when there is a huge amount of extreme low-self esteem. Especially when there is a huge amount of people who suffer from horrible eating disorders which keep them from feeling good about themselves. Many people suffer anxiety disorders and depression, these also make it difficult for those to love themselves and to accept themselves. It’s as if you’re saying ‘love yourself’ like it’s a walk in the park but unfortunately it’s not always that easy. I’m sure people who suffer from such disorders would love to love themselves. The title of this point is rather interesting, yet comical. Right, and those who aren’t in feminist relationships don’t take time out for themselves? Yeah, of course not, because Feminist relationships have everything a normal relationship doesn’t.
“If someone isn’t giving us what we want, we always have a backup plan: our own company.”- Aw, how awful dear. At least that gives you can excuse to become single and eat all the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, alone, crying and left wondering why you weren’t satisfied. :P

  • “We take time for our Friends
    The idea of “girls’ nights” is outdated — there’s no activity that exclusively women can or should participate in — but feminist do value nights with people other than our significant others. Like taking time for ourselves, this prevents us from losing ourselves or defining ourselves by another person. We meet our basic needs ourselves, and everyone else is extra. They’re still important, though. And since we don’t put all our eggs in the basket of other significant others, friends and family are equally important.”-

Right, though shouldn’t it also be important for your male partner to take time for his friends?  or to make time for other people too, why do they have to make out like they’re the only one’s being mistreated in a relationship? as this point is starting to sound one sided, like as if to indirectly state that men don’t let their female partners have a life outside of the relationship, it’s like she’s trying to say that male partner’s have the freedom to value time with other people, but their women aren’t. So she’s trying to also say that a feminist relationship won’t be like that, like the women in a feminist relationship will be free to value time with other people outside of the relationship. I’d like to say that a relationship goes both ways, whether you’re a feminist or not and valuing time with others outside of the relationship isn’t just something exclusive to a feminist relationship.

  • “We say NO
    Feminists won’t be pressured into anything they don’t want to do, whether that’s going on a date they’re not excited about, spending time with a significant other’s friend whom they despise, or attending a social event that conflicts with their work schedule. We give others our time on our own terms and believe that if we need to say “no” to an invitation now, another opportunity will come up again if the person really cares about us. If they don’t, they’re not worthy of our time in the first place.”-

Again, a one-sided point which is trying to point out that they are the only one’s that this kind of thing happens to. Men also get pressured to do things they don’t want to do. But men are also pressured to go on dates, to spend time with their girlfriend’s friends/family or to go to planned events like parties and weddings which conflict with other commitments like work. These things also happen to men as well. This whole ‘we’re so hard done by’ complex is really starting to get irritating. 

  •  We Speak Up When There’s A Problem
    “Since we know we deserve fair treatment, feminists will try to do something when we don’t get it, whether that’s cutting someone out of our lives altogether or confronting them. We don’t all live up to this ideal since the confrontation is hard, to begin with, and women in particular sometimes have trouble speaking up for themselves, but we are at least developing the courage to advocate for ourselves when something’s wrong. Our partners deserve to know it so that they can stop hurting us, and if they don’t want to stop hurting us, again, they’re not worth our attention.”-

This one is absolutely contradictory, the first part of this she insists how important that women have fair treatment and that they speak up when there is a problem, then to goes on to say … “since confrontation is hard, to begin with, and women in particular sometimes have trouble speaking up for themselves”-
I really have to laugh at this, because didn’t you just say that women make sure that they speak up when there’s a problem? I’m sorry, but you can’t have it both ways. Either you speak up or you feel like you can’t and I don’t think it is the least bit true that women find it hard to speak on problems, many women of today constantly moan about how awful it is to be a woman and how hard we have it. You know the whole “Women have it so hard, we have to go through having periods, childbirth..” etc This needs to stop, making out like we are so feeble like we can’t cope with these things. Constantly making women think that danger is larking behind every corner, constantly saying that women can’t defend themselves against people who physically threaten or try hurt them when there are opportunities to so. Women  DO have choices, women CAN defend themselves, and more importantly; Feminists need to acknowledge that women can rape, women can murder, that women can assault and hurt men in the same ways a female can get hurt. Women are not the only gender who are targets, and I am sick and tired of hearing this agenda that they are pushing forward.

  • “We Ask For Sexual Pleasure
    If we are in a relationship that includes sex, we know that we deserve pleasure as much as our partners. We don’t pressure them into anything, but we make it clear what we want, and we expect our partners to care. We are so over the idea that sex is an activity designated to please men while women just put up with it in order to get something else, like money or affection. Nope! This is our time, too.”-

I am also tired of feminists who are trying to make out like men are the only one’s who are allowed to enjoy sex, making out like men are constantly pressuring women into doing sexual things with them in a relationship. And that is not how relationships are, a loving relationship between two people will not be built on pressuring each other for sex and sexual activity because in a loving relationship, both partners have good communication with each other, and the sense to let each other know what they want and what they don’t want, or they will let their partner know what they are or not comfortable with.  This isn’t exclusive to feminist relationship either. A relationship, built on mistrust, zero communication and issues would seem like the kind of relationship that would be pressuring each other over sex.

  • “We ask for consent
    While we voice our desires, we by no means demand that anybody else fulfil them. We make sure before we enter into any sexual encounter that the other person is not just okay but happy with what’s happening. This goes for anyone regardless of gender or sexual orientation.”-

I think that you’ve watched too many of Laci Green’s videos dear.

  • “We let our partners cry
    This is an especially feminist statement for women who date men, since men are taught to avoid crying and always be strong, particularly in order to protect women. In general, feminists encourage their partners to follow impulses that defy gender roles, whether that’s crying, taking up a hobby stereotypical of the other gender, or wearing something unconventional.”-

“We let our partners cry” *inserts animated Gif of a man crying* Men aren’t taught to avoid crying, they are TOLD that it’s a sign of weakness! And yes, of course, crying shouldn’t be a sign of weakness but guys are often told to man up. And it has been many women who have been the one’s to tell guys they should man up. You know, but then go crazy if a guy were to apply the same meaning which is quite hypocritical. 

  • “We Question Our Preferences
    It’s not uncommon for even progressive people to have problematic dating preferences, such as the preference for people of one race or for tall men, thin women, or others who fit a traditional gender role. We can’t always control these and shouldn’t date people we’re not attracted to just to defy them, but I have found that it helps to expose ourselves to unconventional representations of relationships and carefully consider what is actually important to us. We can often be attracted to a wider range of people than we expected if we open our minds.”- 

No, preferences when it comes to attractiveness are not problematic, it’s  another thing men and women have that sets us apart from each other. Men and women are going to have a different idea of what is attractive. What is attractive to a  man, may not be attractive to women and vice-versa. And of course maybe both men and women should be open to other things, but that is something that’s up to the individual to decide, that’s not up to anybody to tell somebody that their preferences aren’t up to scratch, why should you be so bothered? There is nothing to question. Men like what they like and women also like what they like. And that is it. There is nothing more to it.
Why does it feel like you need to throw in scientific knowledge when it comes to this? They should know the reasons behind these things. Seriously, did they skip science or something at school? 

  • “We Value Our Careers — And Expect Our Partners To, As Well
    Feminists want to be acknowledged as more than just our partners’ accessories. We’re multidimensional people, after all, with full lives that often include career ambitions. We don’t want partners who will expect us to put our careers on hold when we have children or ever. We also want partners who will ask us questions about our jobs and other aspects of our lives and remember things about us that don’t have to do with them. In short, we want relationships where both people are treated as people. All relationships should be feminist ones.”-

No person can expect everything from their partner, as your partner is their own person as well, as much as an individual as you and there are going to be differences in any relationship, if your boyfriend/girlfriend sees a future with you and wants a long term relationship then, of course, they’re going to care about your career and what you do outside of it.

There are all her points! Thank you for reading my blog. Share or like my post if you’d like to. Comment down your opinions if you’d like to also, have a great day everybody.

Write you soon x


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